We are grateful that our Council has used our money to buy a shopping parade in a falling property market. It has further endeared itself to the taxpayers by cutting back on services in an attempt to recover some of the capital loss. There must be cuts, starting with changes in the recycling operation.
Recently when I visited the local site I was stopped by a traffic cone and an official ith an I-pad. He asked me in a very suspicious manner if I had a reservation. He stared at his screen. “Your name?”
I asked him if he wanted to send me a birthday card.
“If you’re not booked I can’t let you in,” he said.
“It’s 3.30. Are you congested?” I asked ambiguously.
“You need an online booking.” I told him patiently that I had no idea that this strange arrangement was already in use. I declined to say how daft the whole thing was as I had arrived at off-peak time and the staff were probably enjoying their afternoon tea and crumpets.
Reluctantly and in the manner of a flunky challenged beyond endurance, he moved the cone and waved me in. But my trials were not over. Another Gauleiter in a glow jacket said the sentry should have sent me away. His three partners nodded like Ernie Wise in the Previn sketch.
“What yer got Mate?”
“Grass for the compost.”
He kindly let me carry on and watched me heave about 50 kilos over the 4ft wall into the dead plant zone.
As I drove off I had one of those fearful visions. It’s no longer 2024, a golden age when we only need to make online appointments to see Bank officials, doctors nurses, conceited restaurants and electricians. I saw my 2028 diary. Whole days, weeks and months were full of appointments. On the third of March I’d booked Sainsburys, 0900 to 0930; Aldi, 945 to 1115; haircut? What for? Only four minutes from 1355. That’s OK. Costa 1415 to 1500; Spoons 1800 to 2300. The spreadsheet warned me. Please observe the times. Do NOT be late or early and do NOT overstay as you will incur charges.
I’d have organised my household. Told Mrs P that breakfast is at 755 so that I can get the weather forecast. Lunch 1255 for 37 minutes. Allocated ten minutes to read The Times online newspaper. Booked TV three weeks ahead and all my personal movements would be held on the cloud. We will thank AI for this meticulous planning.
Meanwhile, back in 2024 I already have a long list of passwords in my key-safe. With my leaking memory I have to keep a note of the safe number so I have cunningly written it on a card covered by a picture of Fido, deceased. Don’t tell anyone.
After a few years these annoyances will cease. AI will do the planning and I will obey because it’s easier to let it run my life. Now, where will I be on 5 th June, 2040?
Never mind.
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