A Message Daubed on a Derelict House, by Steve Harrison

“Brenda, Look!’                                           

‘What, love?’

‘On that wall.’

‘What wall?’

‘There’s another one!’

‘Another one, another what?’

‘On That derelict wall   between the Pit Yard and the Clay Works.’

‘What have you spotted?’

‘Another unneeded apostrophe, that’s all.’

‘I see ‘em all over now.”

And there it floated, between the t and the s, slightly faded, the colour of favourite jeans, a denim blue vertical remnant of a heart felt sprayed statement.

The whole phrase went slowly downwards to the right, maybe the ground sloped then or the sprayer’s arm got tired or it was too dark to use the mortar as guidelines but it all added to the sloppiness.

“There was another one in the bar last week, on the crisps.’

‘On the crisps?’

‘No, not on the crisps themselves but the sign.’

‘Three packets of crisp’s any flavours one pound’

‘What about the flavours?’

‘You could buy any flavours.’

‘No, did it have an unneeded apostrophe on the flavours?’

‘No, nor the packets. Just the crisp’s.’

‘Three packets of crisp’s any flavours one pound’

‘Can we go around the roundabout again and get a photo?’

‘A what?’

‘A photo of the wall for my collection of unneeded apostrophes.

It’s part of a project. For my homework”

So they did. Brenda parked in a puddle and Bryan

got the left foot of his best shoes wet and his right foot muddy.

And by holding the camera in landscape mode he captured

‘All capitalists are scum’ on the roll of film he‘d have to find a place on the internet to develop.

“Brenda, when did it all start?’

‘What?’

‘The unneeded apostrophes.’

‘Writing them or spotting them?’

‘Both.’

‘Tricky Bryan, Well those early aerosols could have affected the sprayer’s brain for the sloppiness, that’s both presentation and punctuation or they learned it at as children in the grocers on the signs for apple’s and banana’s.

And your Literacy Course has made them stand out for you, so you now spot them, you see things you never saw before.

You’re an apostrophe spotter Bryan’

‘Is that good?’

‘It’s a hobby’’

‘Is there a hobby of putting apostrophes in?’

‘No need, there’s a glut of them. There’s enough for everybody .In fact there’s too many. We could all have our fair share and there’d be enough to keep in storage for lean years

Or global warming.’

 Bryan was still looking puzzled after or maybe because of the answer.

He stared curiously at the message again cocking his head to the same angle as the slogan.

“Brenda, should Capitalists have a capital letter?’

‘Now, is it a proper noun or is it at the start of a sentence.’

‘In the middle.’

‘Is it a proper noun?’

‘It’s a big C on the wall, big C or little c Brenda?’

‘Good question Bryan, you decide, big C or little c.’

‘Big C.’

‘Correct’

‘Am I now a Capitalist as well as an apostrophe stopper?’

 ‘Yes Bryan maybe we are....’

[Alternative ending]

‘But always remember Bryan,

We may be Capitalists,

But we’re not scum.’